After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
