he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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