I think I died a long time ago.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
