Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
