Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Randomize
