You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
