Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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