so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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