he laminated a picture of his dick.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
