We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
