it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
