I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
