ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
