and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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