Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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