We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
