Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
