toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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