Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
two words: eviction party
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
