You just made me feel so damn special
I looked at my own cervix.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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