No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
