I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
