Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
