they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
