wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize