Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize