its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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