I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You're like the curious george of whores
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
