Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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