"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
is that a dick in a sweater?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
