He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
