I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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