The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
