I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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