You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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