I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
this hospital has no fireball
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
