forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
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