There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
