sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
it glows. i had to have it.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
