Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
