i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
