at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
