do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
