Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
