So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Randomize
