you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
How external is "for external use only"?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
