We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
My ass is underappreciated
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
