drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
