I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
