I'm so fucking centered right now
Having a random hookup so left but love u
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
