The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
