I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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