Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
