I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize