lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
