How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Houston, we have a blender
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
