Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
