I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
