Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
