Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
