it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
