So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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