Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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