Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
