Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
