she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
