My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
