First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
