So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize