Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
