Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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