See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
She even gives head with a lisp.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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