omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
